I have had a few thoughts this week:
1) I am thinking of starting a new blog. Not missions-focused, but just focused on maybe like arts and crafts, or being greener or something along those lines.
2) I’m really going to be cutting back on ministry after July. Paulo and I are taking the first year of marriage “off”. Well, not entirely, but he won’t be traveling with the band and we’re not expanding the Journey Project. I’m still going to be going to see the kids at the children’s home and all, but not expanding, and we’re going to kinda turn that over to some friends who are already very involved.
3) I really really need a job. Like as soon as I move to Brazil. Unfortunately, I am not sure if it will be possible because of my visa.
4) I really really need some creative, artsy, intellectual friends in Brazil and here in CT. I miss my college friends. Alot.
5) I finished Brian MacLaren’s book “Everything Must Change” and while I didn’t agree with everything he said, I agree with his main point- Everything Must Change! Our narrow worldview, our view as God of a God of war- meaning we should be people of war, our view that we want immediate gratification without any consequences, our view on what happiness is, and our views on how to eradicate poverty and bring justice. Don’t believe the critics all the time. Read the criticized books yourself before you judge.
6) People keep asking about the trip to Brazil in July. I just got my ticket for my MAY trip last week. I have not thought much about the July trip. Lets do one thing at a time.
Archive for May, 2010
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Greening the earth
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Wedding Things
So I have not been the most faithful blogger here recently. Actually, it isn’t because I am too busy, it is because rather than focusing on missions right now, I am focusing on my upcoming wedding! It is going to come really quickly- just over 3 months away right now. I have 2 upcoming trips to Brazil which cuts out about 6 weeks of planning/prepping that I have here in the states, but does allow me to see my fiance!!
As someone who is interested in being a good steward of the money God has given me, and the money God has given my parents, in this case, I am having a very frugal and DIY wedding. Our photographer is the most expensive thing- and we’re having a friend who is a pro come and do it for way less than even local photographers who are not nearly as good as our friend!!
I got my wedding dress for free. Yes, you read that right, freeeeeee!!!! It was a $1000 dress that was free at a dress shop that was getting rid of old stock. Thank goodness for my sister’s dance studio because she was getting costumes there, and got a bunch of wedding dresses for free as well!
My outfit otherwise is simple- i got a haircomb for 75cents and decorated it myself with faux pearls that we had lying around. The good thing about being crafty in general is that we had alot of stuff lying around and haven’t had to go out and buy things to enable us to make stuff.
I made my own paper for the favor tags, table number cards, and “escort” cards (we’re not having an escort, but the cards are not on the tables…). My handmade paper was made out of packing paper and newspaper. It came out really cool. We even had screens I could destroy cuz we got new windows last year and don’t need the pop-in screens anymore. My grandma gave me her old blender to wreck with the paper pulp.
I’m keeping track of how much I spend on wedding things, and so far, for all the decorations, favors, bridesmaid dresses, flower girl dress, hair thing for me, and all the stationary, it is just a bit over $200. I am determined to not spend more than $2500 on this wedding. I had a potential budget of $5000, but I don’t want me or my parents to go into debt for one day! So I cut it in half, and I think we will actually stick to it!
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The Weight of it All
I have learned a powerful lesson that still is sticking with me a year and a half after leaving Africa. Africa does not leave you the same. I can go to and from Brazil without much deep effect on my conscience or on my heart. Maybe that is because Brazil already owns my heart, and Africa was unintentional.
I have found that many of my friends who I was in Africa with, to this day, keep posting things on their facebook pages about Africa and the need to return. We are waiting to return, waiting to live again, waiting to breathe in the African dirt again.
Not to say that no one continues on normally, I believe some people may have forgotten Mozambique more than others, but for many, it has left such an impact on their lives that it is impossible for us to function in normal western society. We are called, drawn, back to Africa, back to something greater than ourselves. We are in this holding pattern waiting for a chance to leap out and serve God in a greater capacity. We are waiting, and in the process, unhappy with jobs, school, life in general. Africa is not something you ever “get over”. It is hard to cope in normal life knowing that Africa exists and that you are not there.
Sometimes I wish I weren’t different. Sometimes I wish I was able to just have a normal job, like if I had stayed at the bank back in ’07 I would have a stable life. I would have my own car and apartment. But no. I left and nannied and got my life wrecked by these former orphan kids from Eastern Europe. And then I had to go to Africa. And after that, I got my life wrecked even more by these crazy autistic kids (God gave me His eyes) and then I went to Brazil and realized I need to be there. So then I left the autistic kids, and was in Brazil, and now I’m here, and I am back to how I was 3 years ago.
Well, there is one difference, I’m getting married soon, to someone who also has this inability to live in normal western culture. So we won’t. We’ll go back to Africa. Mozambique. Zimbabwe, the DR Congo. Morocco. Bangladesh. France. Anywhere but here.
Why does Africa mean you are no longer able to live some normal steady, stable western life? Is it possible to do that without having some sort of residual guilt about not being there? Without having some sort of longing to go back, to go back home?
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