Archive for September, 2009

  • Africa +1 Year

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    A year ago I was packing my bags to leave for Africa for nearly 3 months. I left the US just shy of a year ago, I left on October 1, 2008. I don’t think I will ever forget my first run-in with Africa, the beginning of my love affair with a continent and countries we also love to loathe.

    I have just started reading a book called “Africa, Altered States, Ordinary Miracles”. Its really good. I kinda wish I could quote it all on here. But the author, Richard Dowden, went to Uganda in the early 1970s, thus beginning his own love affair with the entire continent, and has since developed into a well-written, thought-provoking 550 page book.

    When he first arrived back in England after his time in Uganda, he writes “I arrived back in dark, cold, wet, December London. It was as if I had been woken from a magnificent dream or dragged out of a wonderful theatre and thrown into a dungeon…People had warned me about the culture shock of going to Africa. Nothing prepared me for the culture shock of coming the other way.”

    I have to agree. I got back last December 23, to a cold Connecticut, and was in a daze for a few weeks. I cannot imagine how my sister’s friend will be when she returns in just over a month after 2 1/2 years in the Peace Corps in South Africa. I am thinking “If it is almost a year post-Africa and I was there for 2 1/2 months only as opposed to 2 1/2 years, how on earth is she going to make it back here in America?”

    Ah, there is so much more I could write about this book or Africa. But its late. So I’ll leave the book review for another day. Maybe. 1 Year since Africa. I just want to go back.

  • De-Light

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    Re-defining delight, or rather defining it in my life for the first time.

    Delight, what is it? In this world we see so much pain and heartache and headache we often forget to delight ourselves in what surrounds us, we forget to delight ourselves in God.

    What is delight?

    Delight is walking home from work on a nice fall afternoon and seeing the first red leaves on the ground, delight is the sound of the leaves crunching beneath my feet.

    Delight is the cooling autumnal breeze on my face as I sit outside in the Indian Summer this September.

    Delight is receiving a hug and apology from an especially difficult kid, after he had just thrown a fit. Delight is when the kid sits down to do his work and does a good job of it.

    What else brings us delight? Hearing my boyfriend whisper “beijos, boa noite” on the phone because his sister is already in bed and told him to be quiet. I find delight in the crazy music classroom as me and the kids sing and dance around to the silly song about food the music teacher is teaching them. I delight in seeing their little faces smiling with delight.

    Delight is being grateful, being thankful for everyday. Delight is realizing that we don’t have to be super-spiritual or anything to feel God in the autumn wind or see how His hands made all the acorns we kick ont he side of the road.

    Delight is even raking leaves, for practically the first time in five years. Drudgery becomes delight when it is new again.

    So I take delight in God, I take delight in His earth. I take delight in the blessings He has given me, from the blessing of my job to my two feet that take me where I need to go. I take delight and thank God for my wonderful boyfriend, and I delight in this redemptive relationship. I delight in my memories of Africa, Brasil, Ecuador. I am not there, but I can delight in the fact that I was there, and will be back soon enough.

    Delight is enough to change our perspective on life. When we delight in things, we aren’t as frustrated, we aren’t as upset, we can go on, and we take joy in what we do and who we are and who we are with.

  • daily

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    in the unknown rhymes of the daily grind
    what we always had on our mind for our life
    we never quite arrive
    all our mental devices used against us in our vices
    we somehow never seem to stray away
    from the agony of the same old same old day after day

    is there anything new under the sun?
    is there anything new under the sun?

    thousands of years pass and still
    the answer remains the same
    we toil and work and wear thin on both ends
    we love and we hurt
    we come together and draw far apart
    the human race ever wandering away from eden
    ever wandering in the desert towards canaan
    we still somehow don’t grasp
    the daily daily daily life
    the way we were meant to, created
    the exuberant joy of the garden meetings
    early morning, clouds of dew
    God was there and only He knew
    everything

    We think we know, but somehow we don’t
    we’re all lost
    and humans are bad people, don’t we all know that
    that’s one thing for sure
    daily beatings, and daily whinings,
    daily temper tantrums, and daily agonizing rhythms
    still we march on, march on towards tomorrow
    and still we hope to be something different
    somewhere different, with someone different,
    than who we were today

  • How we aren't the same

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    I spent a few hours cleaning out my filing cabinets. My filing cabinets were so full that I couldn’t fit anything else in them. So I cleaned them out… I sorted thru so many papers that had to do with my past life.

    It seems I used to live in a different world- one full of politics, study and talk of international relations and development, names getting thrown around, scholarly journals, and lots of touristy places, filled with events and places to go and things to do.

    I live in a different world. I have been to the places that used to be just theory, and the theory we learned in college, is null and void once you are required to act and love the people who are so desperately poor.

    I live in a different world, one of autism, where the politics of education are also null and void. I can’t even try to think if what I am doing to try to get my protege to not run around the classroom is politically correct.

    I live in a different world, where no one cares where you’ve been or what you’ve done or who you know. I live in a normal town, a normal life, can’t get any more normal than this. I put aside the exoticness of the Amazon and the prestige of dining with senators to sit in the dirt in the favelas in Brasil, and to sit in the dirt in Africa.

    I live in a different world, one full of love and hope. I was so broken, needy, unlovable, desperate, clingy, in college. I can’t even relate to that girl. I have lived so long without a boyfriend for so long, now it is a shock to my system to have a man who cares about me in my life again. I am not clinging onto him, I am simply being friends with him, very good friends, I want him to be my best friend. I want it to be natural, not driven by the old me, the clingy, obsessive me.

    Jesus has given me balance. He has freed me, released me from my past life, from my past chains. He released me from my need to do, do, do, and go, go, go. He slowed me down through a preschooler with cerebral palsy, and he let me rest when I thought I was going to Brasil to DO things for him. I love who God is creating me to be, and I love it that I am not finished yet.

    If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come. For me, that could not be more true. I am not at all who I was. It is no longer a prophetic thing, or a simple wish, it is the reality I am living in right now. I live in a different world. I am a new person.

  • 10 (for Relient K and rememberances of high school)

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    Relient K circa 2001

    Relient K circa 2001

    This weekend I had a few monumental occasions. One of them was seeing Relient K in concert for the 10th time. Yes, 10 times.

    They used to be my favorite band in high school, and it had been 4 years since I had seen this pop-punk, sugary, nonsensical band. Four years does alot.

    I couldn’t recognize anyone but the lead singer, Matt Thiessen. Maybe that was because his hair is the same blonde-ish color and still as frizzy curly as any other time.

    Well, you can compare for yourself.

    Relient K circa 2009

    Relient K circa 2009

    They still played their old songs, and everyone in the crowd could sing along. But rather than there being just 14 and 15 year old girls singing along, there were older girls… like my age…. in their 20s singing along…. along with even older people. And then I realized I am getting old.

    This band that I used to love (ok, they are still fun, but I don’t listen to them anymore) is old. The fans are no longer teenagers. The once cute drum player has his head shaved and gained alot of weight. My boyfriend said he must have gotten married. Its been 9 years since I first saw Relient K in concert- the first concert I ever went to was Relient K, opening for Five Iron Frenzy. And that was before their first cd ever came out. I was 13. I am getting old. Or at least feeling old. Maybe it has to do with just having had my birthday. Or maybe not. Or maybe it has to do with seeing Relient K, and realizing I am no long 13… or 14, or a teenager at all.